Stories and Traveltips

ID #1256

Weight-loss Eastern Cape-Style, Port Alfred, Sunshine Coast, Eastern Cape.

Carol and Coreen, two friends who live near Port Alfred, have conducted weight-reduction programmes for some time. Such programmes demand a change in lifestyle and, in particular, drastic changes in diet. No more junk food, lots of birdseed, you are what you eat and so on. However, there are many such programmes and, facing stiff competition, they realized they needed something to spice things up a little, so to speak.

Reading one of their advertising brochures, an overweight resident of Port Alfred was intrigued to learn that, if he were to complete their three-phase weight loss programme, they would guarantee that his body mass index (BMI)  would be below 20. Somewhat skeptical, he decided to enroll for the first module, which included lectures on lifestyle, changes in diet, regular exercise and so on. In addition, however, after a few days there was a knock on his front door. He opened it to see a nubile young thing in skimpy shorts, sports bra, etc. She winked at him and said: “If you can catch me you can have me” and raced off. He set off in hot pursuit and, after much huffing and panting, was finally able to catch up with her. After a few such outings he had lost several kilograms and successfully completed the first module.

Pleased with his progress and enjoying himself immensely, he enrolled for the second module. This involved still more radical changes in lifestyle and, sure enough, after a few days there was a knock on the front door. He opened it to discover a second young thing in her running togs. Once again she winked at him and said: “If you can catch me you can have me”. Again he gave chase but this time she ran faster and further. Eventually he caught up and, after several such outings, had lost still more weight and successfully completed the second module.

Astonished by his progress, he decided to enroll in the third and final module. Once again, there was a knock on the front door. He opened it to find an unshaven 6-foot 6-inch giant clad in a Nazi-style leather outfit including jackboots and riding crop together with miscellaneous metal spikes, whips and so on. Tapping our hero on the chest with his riding crop, he growled: “If I can catch you, I can have you” 

When last seen in Port Alfred, our hero was gaunt and haggard and his BMI was below 20. But he had a smile from ear to ear. And, in spite of much criticism, Coreen now owns a flourishing business in the town.

Port Alfred is on the R72 west of East London, which is at the intersection of the N2 with the N6. Alan McIver NFWeight

This story is dedicated to the memory of my good friend Etienne du Plessis, who first told me this story. RIP Etienne

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Last update: 2014-02-28 22:38
Author: Alan McIver
Revision: 1.7

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